It was the Christmas season of 1993 and my mind was made up. I would soon propose marriage to Lisa Sprinkle! We had known each other since 1988 and had already accumulated so many "best friend" memories. As Billy Crystal once said in a movie, "when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible". One of our favorite dates was always a trip to the mall for browsing and people watching. We had our usual stores we liked to shop in, but the one place we always avoided was the jewelry store. I had heard of couples shopping for engagement rings so the man would have some idea of what to buy, but for some reason we avoided these places like the plague.
Thankfully, my family had an old acquaintance in Nashville, TN that was a jewelry wholesaler. I knew him well enough to call and ask for assistance and explained that I was totally clueless in the arena of ring shopping. We set up a secret meeting at his home. Lisa suspected nothing since I would simply be visiting my family for the holidays. Mr. Pete Owen was so kind as he showed me two or three rings. He then pulled out a special ring that he had held back for some time for unknown reasons. He recommended it highly and not knowing much about such things I simply trusted him and purchased that pretty little diamond.
February 15th, 1994 was a day full of nervousness. I took Lisa to one of our favorite reading spots and she said YES!! I wondered what she thought of the ring and was excited that she wanted to go show it to her Mom. It sparkled in the light and I was so pleased with Mr. Pete's suggestion of that particular ring. The band size was off a bit so Lisa realized it would have to go to the jeweler, but first she would wear it to school where all of her teacher friends would hear the news of the engagement. Honestly, I was a bit anxious when Lisa dropped the ring off with Custom Jewelry. What if it wasn't that nice? What if it was fake or started to disintegrate as he polished it?? A few days later she had gone to pick up the ring and met me later for dinner. I had never seen it shine like that before and Lisa's smile told me that everything was OK. She said, "The jeweler wanted to compliment you on your selection. He said you did a great job and that this was a diamond of high quality, very durable and would always shine brightly if we took care of it. I felt 10 feet tall!! I trusted Mr. Owen with the sale of the ring, but there was just something special about that second opinion after a professional had inspected it more closely.
About 12 years later we were doing our daily routine with our four daughters when our 7 year old approached and said, "I want to do that". "THAT" was actually learning to play the violin as she had been captivated by some women on television who were playing beautifully. What a nice thought. This didn't seem to be a passing fancy though as Anna Claire persisted with her desire to learn violin. Lisa's mom decided to purchase a beginner violin and give it to Anna Claire for Christmas. Oh the joy in the house on that day!! With the parents having very limited musical ability we began a search for someone who could teach our daughter the basics and see if she enjoyed it still.
It just so happened that our youngest daughter had started a local private school where they offered music lessons. We discovered a lady there named Mary Ann Mears who taught a program called Suzuki Violin. Even though Anna Claire was not a student at that school we were permitted to bring her once a week to have lessons with Mrs. Mary Ann. Knowing nothing about how things were supposed to go we simply trusted Mary Ann to lead the way. She had a wonderful blend of kindness and seriousness about what we were all trying to accomplish. She insisted that the parent not only sit in on the early years of lessons, but even try and learn the instrument as well. She incorporated the FAMILY and we liked that very much. Anna Claire really took to the violin and was making steady progress. Lisa and I were also learning things about music and the arts that we had never known.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but at some point during Anna Claire's eight year journey with the violin a business relationship with Mary Ann turned into a sweet friendship. Lessons became more personal as we would meet at her home and get a glimpse into her family life. Violin lessons would sometimes get delayed as we talked about dietary issues, health problems, barking dogs and her long time love for the UT Vols. As Anna Claire continued to forge ahead into Book 6 of Suzuki she grew in her desire to teach small children just as Mary Ann had done with her. As parents we may have doubted that our 15 year old was ready to teach, but Mary Ann did nothing but encourage and that venture has been a blessing to us all, as well as Anna Claire's three students.
We knew the day would arrive when Mary Ann would soon recommend that Anna Claire move on to a new teacher with a new skill set. Sometimes doing what is best is not always fun!! God has led us to a wonderful new instructor, but it has been fun to reflect on the wonderful memories of these past years of group classes, recitals and private lessons. I am reminded of the ring I purchased for my bride to be from the standpoint of having no clue as to the value of my selection. A couple of "green" parents chose to put their trust in a kind lady from Olive Branch, MS to teach their daughter not only lessons in violin but also lessons in life. In a sense, we have been the jeweler that has taken a closer look at this particular "jewel" of a teacher. It is with MUCH love that we say to Mary Ann Mears that we couldn't have chosen ANY better. Upon close inspection you have proved to be of high quality, very durable and someone who has brought a sparkle and shine to our family that we would not have otherwise. You are a true GEM to the ADAMS FAMILY!!
Friday, July 10, 2015
Friday, March 22, 2013
Are You Coming Up?
As I have gotten older I have tried to do a better job in reserving the word "love" for my Savior, spouse and children. It is a word that gets thrown around so carelessly these days that we sometimes find ourselves equating a piece of pizza to our feelings for our own family. That being said, I would now say that I really, really, really LIKE the game of basketball. I started playing on teams in third grade and continued playing at a variety of levels into my thirties. By age 35 I began to see many of my friends on crutches following different injuries. I decided to thank God for my time in the game and simply walk away.
I began watching a good bit of basketball on TV and was always ecstatic when March Madness rolled around each year. Then the announcement came that a professional team named the Grizzlies would be coming to Memphis. I was lured into the pro game because after all these guys were more my age. I could sit in my recliner each night with a bowl of popcorn exclaiming, "Hey I could have done that"! What was even better was that Grizzlies started getting really good. I attended a couple of games in person, but for the most part just watched on TV because I didn't want to neglect my family.
A couple of years ago the Grizzlies' best player got hurt and was out for the rest of the year. I was so sad thinking that their season would be a bust. What happened next was inexplicable. They got better! They started winning most of their games and made the playoffs. How exciting!! I wasn't about to miss a second of any of their playoff games so I began my preparations. On game day I would see how clean I could get the house before tip-off so my wife wouldn't fuss about me watching for three hours straight. I would assist with bath time and pajama time for my girls so that they would not interfere with the BIG game which I have learned just happens to be the NEXT one.
One of my favorite parts of our home is called "the bridge". It is a second floor runway that overlooks the living room with the TV. Almost every night one of the girls will pop out on the bridge and ask my favorite question, "Are you coming up?" Their day was winding down and they would want to spend some quality time with their parents covering the high points and low points of the day. I always looked forward to my invitation into their domain for question and answer time which usually ended with a prayer. How then could this question all of sudden become bothersome? Let me explain.
The Grizzlies not only made the playoffs, they pulled off a major upset in the 1st round and had advanced one step closer to the championship series. Games were running longer and sometimes going into overtime and I began to dread the "are you coming up" question because it would force me to choose. Surely the girls will understand that these are BIG games. Surely my wife can fulfill their needs during this crucial part of the season. My patience was running thin one night as the Grizzlies were falling behind and my girls had now asked for the third time if I was coming up. "In a minute!" I realized I could not put them off much longer so at the next break I began dashing from bedroom to bedroom as quickly as possible. I had 90 seconds to make the rounds.
"Whew", I said, as the first two had already given up and were fast asleep. The next one allowed me a peck on the cheek and didn't say anything to slow me down. When I got to my eldest's room I gave her a hurried hug. As I began to exit I heard the words that pierced my heart. She said, "must be a timeout". I didn't allow her to see my internal bleeding, but I dejectedly walked back to the recliner and plopped down. To this day I don't remember who won that game. What I do remember was later that evening when all of the lights were out kneeling at that same recliner and begging God's forgiveness. "God help me", I said, "to never again make my children feel like they are only worthy of my time during a timeout". I even took it a step further and told God that on the next night if one of my girls came out asking, "are you coming up" that I would sprint up those stairs and not stop listening until they were done talking.
I was reminded that next night of God's wonderful sense of humor when the words "are you coming up" were spoken as the Grizzlies were headed into double overtime. I hit the power OFF button on the remote and thanked God as I climbed each step for the wonderful gift of my children and the privilege of being their Dad. I realized that night that the BIG game wasn't on TV, but it was about to happen in each one of my girl's bedrooms as we discussed the day.
I began watching a good bit of basketball on TV and was always ecstatic when March Madness rolled around each year. Then the announcement came that a professional team named the Grizzlies would be coming to Memphis. I was lured into the pro game because after all these guys were more my age. I could sit in my recliner each night with a bowl of popcorn exclaiming, "Hey I could have done that"! What was even better was that Grizzlies started getting really good. I attended a couple of games in person, but for the most part just watched on TV because I didn't want to neglect my family.
A couple of years ago the Grizzlies' best player got hurt and was out for the rest of the year. I was so sad thinking that their season would be a bust. What happened next was inexplicable. They got better! They started winning most of their games and made the playoffs. How exciting!! I wasn't about to miss a second of any of their playoff games so I began my preparations. On game day I would see how clean I could get the house before tip-off so my wife wouldn't fuss about me watching for three hours straight. I would assist with bath time and pajama time for my girls so that they would not interfere with the BIG game which I have learned just happens to be the NEXT one.
One of my favorite parts of our home is called "the bridge". It is a second floor runway that overlooks the living room with the TV. Almost every night one of the girls will pop out on the bridge and ask my favorite question, "Are you coming up?" Their day was winding down and they would want to spend some quality time with their parents covering the high points and low points of the day. I always looked forward to my invitation into their domain for question and answer time which usually ended with a prayer. How then could this question all of sudden become bothersome? Let me explain.
The Grizzlies not only made the playoffs, they pulled off a major upset in the 1st round and had advanced one step closer to the championship series. Games were running longer and sometimes going into overtime and I began to dread the "are you coming up" question because it would force me to choose. Surely the girls will understand that these are BIG games. Surely my wife can fulfill their needs during this crucial part of the season. My patience was running thin one night as the Grizzlies were falling behind and my girls had now asked for the third time if I was coming up. "In a minute!" I realized I could not put them off much longer so at the next break I began dashing from bedroom to bedroom as quickly as possible. I had 90 seconds to make the rounds.
"Whew", I said, as the first two had already given up and were fast asleep. The next one allowed me a peck on the cheek and didn't say anything to slow me down. When I got to my eldest's room I gave her a hurried hug. As I began to exit I heard the words that pierced my heart. She said, "must be a timeout". I didn't allow her to see my internal bleeding, but I dejectedly walked back to the recliner and plopped down. To this day I don't remember who won that game. What I do remember was later that evening when all of the lights were out kneeling at that same recliner and begging God's forgiveness. "God help me", I said, "to never again make my children feel like they are only worthy of my time during a timeout". I even took it a step further and told God that on the next night if one of my girls came out asking, "are you coming up" that I would sprint up those stairs and not stop listening until they were done talking.
I was reminded that next night of God's wonderful sense of humor when the words "are you coming up" were spoken as the Grizzlies were headed into double overtime. I hit the power OFF button on the remote and thanked God as I climbed each step for the wonderful gift of my children and the privilege of being their Dad. I realized that night that the BIG game wasn't on TV, but it was about to happen in each one of my girl's bedrooms as we discussed the day.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Right Now
It's true. Many seasoned parents over the years have told me that you squeeze your youngest child a little tighter from time to time as the realization hits that your parenting days of small children is coming to a close. My youngest will turn 9 very soon and I am conscious that I probably tell her "no" too many times because I am trying to squash the fact that she truly is old enough to do what she is asking to do. Putting the book on top of her head simply isn't working!
The great thing about my budding 9 year old is that she still loves to snuggle. We call it "cozy time". No matter what "big girl" things she has accomplished for that day she still wants to crawl up in my lap at night and just rest her head on my shoulder. Some nights she even takes me by the hand to my room, closes the door and buries us under the covers. It was on one such night that we were lying in silence when I asked if she wanted to play HIGH POINT, LOW POINT. This has always been a kid favorite where we share our best and worst moments of the day. Sometimes they really try and stretch the game out with a "midpoint". We quickly got our low points out of the way so we could end the day on a positive note. Her pink glasses rested on the bedside table while her little head was on my chest. I was enjoying the scent of her freshly washed hair. I can't remember what my high point was for the day, but I will never forget my daughter's answer as long as I live. "OK Sarah, it's your turn for the high point". As her hand stroked my cheek she took a deep breath and replied, "Right now".
I was astounded. I quickly reviewed the day in my mind and thought of all the times during the past 12 hours that I had fussed at her about doing chores, finishing schoolwork and cleaning her room; however at the end of the day I was her HIGH POINT simply because I chose to spend a few quiet moments with her!! I didn't think much more about it until a few days later when I was out walking. It was late at night and my subdivision was very still. I was walking and praying about a variety of things when I suddenly felt like Jesus was wanting me to be quiet. As I walked it was as if my brain had gotten connected to a heavenly USB port and the download had begun! Ideas began popping and answers started flowing about different things in my life. I always love it when Jesus shows His love for me by tending to even the smallest details.
The "download" ended and as I finished my walk I quickly remembered my game with Sarah just a few nights before. I knew that I had just experienced my high point for the day on the peaceful stroll. I started to feel guilty for all of the days that I had missed these types of high points because of my lack of initiative in seeking Him out during my day. My Pastor always says that if you don't PREPARE for your day then you will spend a lot of time in REPAIR at the end of the day. I believe that Jesus wants to speak His Purpose and Plan into our lives on a daily basis, but we have to make the effort to separate ourselves from all else so we can hear His Words. I also believe that if I were able to ask Jesus during our quiet time about His high point for the day, He would answer, "Right now".
The great thing about my budding 9 year old is that she still loves to snuggle. We call it "cozy time". No matter what "big girl" things she has accomplished for that day she still wants to crawl up in my lap at night and just rest her head on my shoulder. Some nights she even takes me by the hand to my room, closes the door and buries us under the covers. It was on one such night that we were lying in silence when I asked if she wanted to play HIGH POINT, LOW POINT. This has always been a kid favorite where we share our best and worst moments of the day. Sometimes they really try and stretch the game out with a "midpoint". We quickly got our low points out of the way so we could end the day on a positive note. Her pink glasses rested on the bedside table while her little head was on my chest. I was enjoying the scent of her freshly washed hair. I can't remember what my high point was for the day, but I will never forget my daughter's answer as long as I live. "OK Sarah, it's your turn for the high point". As her hand stroked my cheek she took a deep breath and replied, "Right now".
I was astounded. I quickly reviewed the day in my mind and thought of all the times during the past 12 hours that I had fussed at her about doing chores, finishing schoolwork and cleaning her room; however at the end of the day I was her HIGH POINT simply because I chose to spend a few quiet moments with her!! I didn't think much more about it until a few days later when I was out walking. It was late at night and my subdivision was very still. I was walking and praying about a variety of things when I suddenly felt like Jesus was wanting me to be quiet. As I walked it was as if my brain had gotten connected to a heavenly USB port and the download had begun! Ideas began popping and answers started flowing about different things in my life. I always love it when Jesus shows His love for me by tending to even the smallest details.
The "download" ended and as I finished my walk I quickly remembered my game with Sarah just a few nights before. I knew that I had just experienced my high point for the day on the peaceful stroll. I started to feel guilty for all of the days that I had missed these types of high points because of my lack of initiative in seeking Him out during my day. My Pastor always says that if you don't PREPARE for your day then you will spend a lot of time in REPAIR at the end of the day. I believe that Jesus wants to speak His Purpose and Plan into our lives on a daily basis, but we have to make the effort to separate ourselves from all else so we can hear His Words. I also believe that if I were able to ask Jesus during our quiet time about His high point for the day, He would answer, "Right now".
Monday, February 27, 2012
PLAN B
A few months ago I was blessed to be able to take an all expenses paid trip to Arizona for insurance training. I love to travel and especially love flying across the country. I always ask for a window seat and never cease to be amazed at God's handiwork of creation. Upon arrival at the hotel I was happy to find that there were no scheduled activities until the next morning. I immediately missed my family back home and dealt with the feelings of guilt knowing my sweet wife was at home tending to the daily duties of raising our four girls. Nothing to do though but maximize every moment knowing the trip would be over in the blink of an eye.
I had packed my running clothes assuming there would be a fitness room at the hotel, however I received even better news from the desk clerk who informed me that there was a beautiful greenway within walking distance. After several hours of flying I was ready to run!! I jotted down the directions and quickly changed clothes. It was a further walk to reach the greenway than I had been told so no stretching was necessary. The late afternoon sun warmed my back as I began. The sky was the color blue you only see in story books. The trail meandered through a golf course community with lush green fairways on my left and small condo type homes on my right. Everyone had underground sprinkler systems and I would purposefully catch a fine mist every chance I got.
After a couple of miles I noticed that the trail curled down a hill and led into a short tunnel to prevent pedestrians from having to cross a busy thoroughfare. I made my way through the few hundred feet of tunnel and emerged on the other side only to stop dead in my tracks. I almost felt my jaw hit the ground as I stared at one of the prettiest sights I had ever seen. There was a long narrow lake directly in front of me that almost appeared to be a water runway with houses on both sides. Directly ahead of me beaming in the warm rays of sunlight were rows and rows of gorgeous Arizona mini-mountains called mesas. They were so crisp and clear it was as if I was viewing them in high definition. How odd that they were so far away yet I had the sensation of almost being able to reach out and touch one. I stood for several minutes and thanked God for allowing me to be there at that moment so my brain could capture a snapshot that will forever be in my mental scrapbook.
The next two days were spent sitting in classrooms listening to speakers discuss exciting topics such as federal tax brackets and stretch IRA's for grandchildren. There were more than a few times when I daydreamed out the window thinking about those majestic mesas. I just had to find time to see them again before leaving. On the final night we had a couple of hours of free time before leaving on buses for dinner. I zipped to my room and threw on the running clothes. The excitement was building as I hit the greenway. Clouds had begun to roll in as rain was expected later that evening. I made my way through now more familiar surroundings and could feel my heart thumping as I charged through the tunnel. I burst through the other side and stopped dead in my tracks again, but this time for a totally different reason. The clouds were coming from the direction of the mesas and had completely covered them!! If it had been my first run I would have never known anything was out there. Just as quickly as I became deflated I began laughing out loud. My eyes were drawn across the lake to one lone boat that had not been there on my prior run. It was docked and the name of the vessel was written in big bold letters on the back-----PLAN B. How could I not laugh at God's incredible sense of humor. I just began walking and said, "OK God, I guess you have something better for me to see". I knew my free time was winding down so began running back the way I had come. As I was about to exit the greenway I clearly saw PLAN B!! It was even more beautiful than the previous experience. The rain clouds were now dominating the sky at this point, but there was one stretch of sky where the sun was actually splitting the clouds in half. You could see all the way through to the blue. It was a narrow gap, but it was as if the sun were acting as a giant "connect-the-dot" between heaven and earth. There was a bench nearby and I just sat and stared at this incredible piece of scenery. The clouds eventually closed and the sprinkles began to fall as I pondered the days' events on the greenway.
God immediately began bringing to my mind numerous times of when I had done all of my own planning for my life. Countless memories flooded in from childhood through adulthood of times when my PLAN A didn't work out. Sad to say that many of those memories showed that I didn't respond with laughter and trust in a God who always has a PLAN B ready and waiting. Many times I got angry and refused to accept it at all. If I couldn't have it MY way then I wanted NO way!! The one memory that kept repeating revolved around the birth of our third daughter. We had already had two successful pregnancies producing two sweet healthy baby girls. # 3 was on the way and we were thrilled. Heart problems developed. Later she was born with one weak kidney requiring 3 surgeries before age 1. Thinking we were out of the woods only led us to the realization that she was not developing even close to the same level as other kids her age. After years of the vague diagnosis of developmental delay we were finally given the label of intellectual delay. Any parent would be lying if they said they didn't secretly have their own dreams for their kids. Each parent deals with the disappointment of the loss of those dreams realizing that PLAN A is no longer a possibility. It has taken time, but now that my sweet Caroline is 10 years old I have not only allowed PLAN A to fall by the wayside, but also I have found myself embracing PLAN B because I know that God is the Giver of ALL good gifts. My trust is in Him. As I looked back over all of the PLAN B's that God have given me I realized that they were so much more beautiful than my PLAN A's. I realized that God could not make me into the husband and father that I am today without operating in the realm of PLAN B's. I may be a slow learner when it comes to the things God wants to teach me, but I am so thankful that I have learned to simply take a deep breath when things don't go MY way knowing that somewhere out there is a little boat docked in an Arizona lake with the big bold letters on the back -------------PLAN B.
I had packed my running clothes assuming there would be a fitness room at the hotel, however I received even better news from the desk clerk who informed me that there was a beautiful greenway within walking distance. After several hours of flying I was ready to run!! I jotted down the directions and quickly changed clothes. It was a further walk to reach the greenway than I had been told so no stretching was necessary. The late afternoon sun warmed my back as I began. The sky was the color blue you only see in story books. The trail meandered through a golf course community with lush green fairways on my left and small condo type homes on my right. Everyone had underground sprinkler systems and I would purposefully catch a fine mist every chance I got.
After a couple of miles I noticed that the trail curled down a hill and led into a short tunnel to prevent pedestrians from having to cross a busy thoroughfare. I made my way through the few hundred feet of tunnel and emerged on the other side only to stop dead in my tracks. I almost felt my jaw hit the ground as I stared at one of the prettiest sights I had ever seen. There was a long narrow lake directly in front of me that almost appeared to be a water runway with houses on both sides. Directly ahead of me beaming in the warm rays of sunlight were rows and rows of gorgeous Arizona mini-mountains called mesas. They were so crisp and clear it was as if I was viewing them in high definition. How odd that they were so far away yet I had the sensation of almost being able to reach out and touch one. I stood for several minutes and thanked God for allowing me to be there at that moment so my brain could capture a snapshot that will forever be in my mental scrapbook.
The next two days were spent sitting in classrooms listening to speakers discuss exciting topics such as federal tax brackets and stretch IRA's for grandchildren. There were more than a few times when I daydreamed out the window thinking about those majestic mesas. I just had to find time to see them again before leaving. On the final night we had a couple of hours of free time before leaving on buses for dinner. I zipped to my room and threw on the running clothes. The excitement was building as I hit the greenway. Clouds had begun to roll in as rain was expected later that evening. I made my way through now more familiar surroundings and could feel my heart thumping as I charged through the tunnel. I burst through the other side and stopped dead in my tracks again, but this time for a totally different reason. The clouds were coming from the direction of the mesas and had completely covered them!! If it had been my first run I would have never known anything was out there. Just as quickly as I became deflated I began laughing out loud. My eyes were drawn across the lake to one lone boat that had not been there on my prior run. It was docked and the name of the vessel was written in big bold letters on the back-----PLAN B. How could I not laugh at God's incredible sense of humor. I just began walking and said, "OK God, I guess you have something better for me to see". I knew my free time was winding down so began running back the way I had come. As I was about to exit the greenway I clearly saw PLAN B!! It was even more beautiful than the previous experience. The rain clouds were now dominating the sky at this point, but there was one stretch of sky where the sun was actually splitting the clouds in half. You could see all the way through to the blue. It was a narrow gap, but it was as if the sun were acting as a giant "connect-the-dot" between heaven and earth. There was a bench nearby and I just sat and stared at this incredible piece of scenery. The clouds eventually closed and the sprinkles began to fall as I pondered the days' events on the greenway.
God immediately began bringing to my mind numerous times of when I had done all of my own planning for my life. Countless memories flooded in from childhood through adulthood of times when my PLAN A didn't work out. Sad to say that many of those memories showed that I didn't respond with laughter and trust in a God who always has a PLAN B ready and waiting. Many times I got angry and refused to accept it at all. If I couldn't have it MY way then I wanted NO way!! The one memory that kept repeating revolved around the birth of our third daughter. We had already had two successful pregnancies producing two sweet healthy baby girls. # 3 was on the way and we were thrilled. Heart problems developed. Later she was born with one weak kidney requiring 3 surgeries before age 1. Thinking we were out of the woods only led us to the realization that she was not developing even close to the same level as other kids her age. After years of the vague diagnosis of developmental delay we were finally given the label of intellectual delay. Any parent would be lying if they said they didn't secretly have their own dreams for their kids. Each parent deals with the disappointment of the loss of those dreams realizing that PLAN A is no longer a possibility. It has taken time, but now that my sweet Caroline is 10 years old I have not only allowed PLAN A to fall by the wayside, but also I have found myself embracing PLAN B because I know that God is the Giver of ALL good gifts. My trust is in Him. As I looked back over all of the PLAN B's that God have given me I realized that they were so much more beautiful than my PLAN A's. I realized that God could not make me into the husband and father that I am today without operating in the realm of PLAN B's. I may be a slow learner when it comes to the things God wants to teach me, but I am so thankful that I have learned to simply take a deep breath when things don't go MY way knowing that somewhere out there is a little boat docked in an Arizona lake with the big bold letters on the back -------------PLAN B.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Screen Time
I am a huge fan of "screen time". Sad to say that in our current society this typically means watching movies, sitting in front of a computer or trying to carry on a conversation with one person while texting to another simultaneously. The kind of "screen time" I am referring to started in my home right after we moved into our new house five years ago. I didn't pick out much in the new house, but I did request a screened in porch as well as screens in EVERY window of the house. My kind of "screen time" usually takes place every spring and autumn when the temperatures are just right. My girls will come to me, the great meteorologist, at bedtime and ask if it is an "open window" night. They love sleeping with their windows open and hearing the sound of crickets or of cars passing.
On one such evening I was making the usual nightly rounds from one daughter's room to the next and plopping myself on the bed trying to answer all of life's most difficult questions. I still don't know how water towers work, but I gave an impressive answer. I may not see the sense in learning the metric system, but I still told them that we wouldn't be skipping that lesson. I gave some very good answers on my first three stops, and felt confident that # 4 would go smoothly. This daughter's room faces the north side of the house and the cool breezes were so refreshing. I found her with arms folded up on the window sill with her face smushed right into the screen soaking up as much fresh air as possible. It looked fun to me so I joined her in a smushed screen face contest. As we stared out at the front yard I asked if there was anything she wanted to talk about. I was prepared for a Miley Cyrus trivia question or maybe a joke from her new book, but I was NOT prepared for the question I got.
She looked at me with such a serious face and said, "Dad, do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is"? My brain shifted into overdrive. In my mind I am thinking, "Are you kidding me? This is what you are thinking about at bedtime"?? I took a deep breath to buy some time and then prayed one of those incredibly fast prayers like,"OhDearLordPleaseHelpMeAnswerThisQuestionCorrectlySoAsNotToScarMyChildForLife"!!!!
I asked her why she was wondering about this and she said that she felt like she was the only one in the family without a purpose. She began to go through the other five members of our family and tell me her perceptions of what they do well and how it was of service to others. She just didn't feel like she had anything to offer.
I was sad at first as I listened, but then I realized that God was giving me a wonderful opportunity at the end of the day to AFFIRM my daughter. I don't have any sons, but I do know that girls need affirmation and as a Dad I am highly qualified for this job. I first shared with her how proud I was of the fact that she was 7 years old and searching for purpose in her life. I confessed that I never really considered such things until much later in life and always felt like I wasted so many years just coasting through each day with no real direction. I then began to speak words of encouragement over this girl of mine and telling her all of the things that SHE does well. As I began to rattle off my long list I could instantly see a transformation in her countenance. She had gone from a somber, serious face to a smiling more relaxed look. I quickly realized the power of encouraging words and vowed to not only begin to find the positives in my kids, but also to TELL THEM to their faces. Furthermore, I explained to her that the gifts she has are God-given specifically for her to realize her purpose in life. She doesn't ever have to worry about not having one of her sister's talents because she doesn't have the same things to accomplish in life as they do.
Life seemed to all make sense in that moment. I went to my bedroom that night and opened the window. Before I fell asleep I moved as close to the screen as possible and began thanking God for my precious children who on this day taught me an important lesson. I asked for His forgiveness for not spending enough time searching for my daily purpose in this life. I fell asleep with a cool breeze on my face and the peace in my heart of knowing that tomorrow was a new day to accomplish all that God has in store. That's MY kind of "screen time"!
On one such evening I was making the usual nightly rounds from one daughter's room to the next and plopping myself on the bed trying to answer all of life's most difficult questions. I still don't know how water towers work, but I gave an impressive answer. I may not see the sense in learning the metric system, but I still told them that we wouldn't be skipping that lesson. I gave some very good answers on my first three stops, and felt confident that # 4 would go smoothly. This daughter's room faces the north side of the house and the cool breezes were so refreshing. I found her with arms folded up on the window sill with her face smushed right into the screen soaking up as much fresh air as possible. It looked fun to me so I joined her in a smushed screen face contest. As we stared out at the front yard I asked if there was anything she wanted to talk about. I was prepared for a Miley Cyrus trivia question or maybe a joke from her new book, but I was NOT prepared for the question I got.
She looked at me with such a serious face and said, "Dad, do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is"? My brain shifted into overdrive. In my mind I am thinking, "Are you kidding me? This is what you are thinking about at bedtime"?? I took a deep breath to buy some time and then prayed one of those incredibly fast prayers like,"OhDearLordPleaseHelpMeAnswerThisQuestionCorrectlySoAsNotToScarMyChildForLife"!!!!
I asked her why she was wondering about this and she said that she felt like she was the only one in the family without a purpose. She began to go through the other five members of our family and tell me her perceptions of what they do well and how it was of service to others. She just didn't feel like she had anything to offer.
I was sad at first as I listened, but then I realized that God was giving me a wonderful opportunity at the end of the day to AFFIRM my daughter. I don't have any sons, but I do know that girls need affirmation and as a Dad I am highly qualified for this job. I first shared with her how proud I was of the fact that she was 7 years old and searching for purpose in her life. I confessed that I never really considered such things until much later in life and always felt like I wasted so many years just coasting through each day with no real direction. I then began to speak words of encouragement over this girl of mine and telling her all of the things that SHE does well. As I began to rattle off my long list I could instantly see a transformation in her countenance. She had gone from a somber, serious face to a smiling more relaxed look. I quickly realized the power of encouraging words and vowed to not only begin to find the positives in my kids, but also to TELL THEM to their faces. Furthermore, I explained to her that the gifts she has are God-given specifically for her to realize her purpose in life. She doesn't ever have to worry about not having one of her sister's talents because she doesn't have the same things to accomplish in life as they do.
Life seemed to all make sense in that moment. I went to my bedroom that night and opened the window. Before I fell asleep I moved as close to the screen as possible and began thanking God for my precious children who on this day taught me an important lesson. I asked for His forgiveness for not spending enough time searching for my daily purpose in this life. I fell asleep with a cool breeze on my face and the peace in my heart of knowing that tomorrow was a new day to accomplish all that God has in store. That's MY kind of "screen time"!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Can
"Let's do it", I said with a crazed look in my eyes. Thanksgiving was just around the corner and my wife and I had just decided to go spend the holiday with some of my family just south of Nashville. This wasn't the crazy part though. We then decided that on the most crowded shopping day of the year, which just happens to be the day AFTER Thanksgiving, we would venture to the Opry Mills Mall with our four small girls. If we were still alive we would then go see the Christmas lights at Opryland Hotel. "It will be fun", I muttered to myself. I figured if I kept preparing for the absolute worst experience of my life then anything would be an improvement.
Thanksgiving Day was great although we grew a bit weary of answering the same question over and over again. "Now why on earth would you want to go shopping at that mall on the busiest day of the year"? That question rang in my ears all night, but the following day found us working our way through loads of traffic, followed by several laps around the parking lot waiting for that person walking slowly to their car looking beat up from the crowds. I'll have to be honest in saying that our shopping experience went quite well, and the girls were quickly transitioning into Christmas mode. By late afternoon I was ready to try and beat the traffic to Opryland for the lights. Yes!! I found a back way out of the mall and was able to get in front of the line for the lights. As we pulled in I saw a sign saying, 12 DOLLARS CASH ONLY. I was stunned that they were charging everyone to wander through the hotel, but then my stomach knotted as I realized that I had NO CASH. I NEVER have cash anymore in this debit card society. Who has CASH???? I begin to groan as I see cars lined up behind me waiting. I was just about to leave the line and go in search of an ATM machine when I heard the sweet voice of my oldest daughter exclaim, "I have twelve dollars"!! "You're kidding. How do YOU have twelve dollars", I asked. The girl had saved her chore money and brought her purse on the trip because she knew we were going shopping. Twelve dollars was ALL she had and she happily passed it forward. I gleefully handed it to the attendant and we went right on in.
As the night wore on I kept thinking about my daughter's sacrifice which ushered us into a wonderful family night at Opryland. I still have so many great memories of that trip, but her sacrifice will always stand out. As we drove home the next day I began having flashbacks to my childhood remembering THE CAN. It was a joke at my house because I was a very stingy kid with money. Every birthday and Christmas Day I would take the money I received and take it to THE CAN which was kept in a secret spot in my closet. My family joked about THE CAN, but nobody ever knew where it was. Sometimes I would get my money out and dust it off before counting it and locking it away again. As I drove I began to get teary because I realized that if my own father had been in that same predicament at Opryland, I would have stayed SILENT!! There was no way I would have ever opened up my can and offered my own money for the enjoyment of my entire family. How sad. As a Dad I am always looking for teachable moments with my kids and here was one served up on a silver platter.
When we got home I purposely allowed three days to go by without saying a word about reimbursing my daughter's generosity. I wanted to see if she would ever come ask for it back. Truthfully, I wasn't surprised that she never did. On the third day after the schoolwork was complete I asked her to come to her room. I then asked her to sit at her desk and open her Bible to 2 Corinthians 9 and begin reading. When she got to verse 7 and read that God loves a cheerful giver I said, "STOP"! I asked her to read that line over and over again. I explained to her how much it meant to me for her to so willingly share her money with our family. I explained about my selfish childhood days with THE CAN and thanked her for teaching me a great lesson. I then asked her to hold out her hand as I started placing one dollar bills into her palm. I counted out THIRTEEN ones and then told her that when she is faithful with what God has given her, He will always bless her back with more than she started. I am thankful that God's Promises are true with finances and that since then she has seen many other examples of God's faithfulness with her money. I am just a Dad who is very thankful that THE CAN is a thing of the past in my house.
Thanksgiving Day was great although we grew a bit weary of answering the same question over and over again. "Now why on earth would you want to go shopping at that mall on the busiest day of the year"? That question rang in my ears all night, but the following day found us working our way through loads of traffic, followed by several laps around the parking lot waiting for that person walking slowly to their car looking beat up from the crowds. I'll have to be honest in saying that our shopping experience went quite well, and the girls were quickly transitioning into Christmas mode. By late afternoon I was ready to try and beat the traffic to Opryland for the lights. Yes!! I found a back way out of the mall and was able to get in front of the line for the lights. As we pulled in I saw a sign saying, 12 DOLLARS CASH ONLY. I was stunned that they were charging everyone to wander through the hotel, but then my stomach knotted as I realized that I had NO CASH. I NEVER have cash anymore in this debit card society. Who has CASH???? I begin to groan as I see cars lined up behind me waiting. I was just about to leave the line and go in search of an ATM machine when I heard the sweet voice of my oldest daughter exclaim, "I have twelve dollars"!! "You're kidding. How do YOU have twelve dollars", I asked. The girl had saved her chore money and brought her purse on the trip because she knew we were going shopping. Twelve dollars was ALL she had and she happily passed it forward. I gleefully handed it to the attendant and we went right on in.
As the night wore on I kept thinking about my daughter's sacrifice which ushered us into a wonderful family night at Opryland. I still have so many great memories of that trip, but her sacrifice will always stand out. As we drove home the next day I began having flashbacks to my childhood remembering THE CAN. It was a joke at my house because I was a very stingy kid with money. Every birthday and Christmas Day I would take the money I received and take it to THE CAN which was kept in a secret spot in my closet. My family joked about THE CAN, but nobody ever knew where it was. Sometimes I would get my money out and dust it off before counting it and locking it away again. As I drove I began to get teary because I realized that if my own father had been in that same predicament at Opryland, I would have stayed SILENT!! There was no way I would have ever opened up my can and offered my own money for the enjoyment of my entire family. How sad. As a Dad I am always looking for teachable moments with my kids and here was one served up on a silver platter.
When we got home I purposely allowed three days to go by without saying a word about reimbursing my daughter's generosity. I wanted to see if she would ever come ask for it back. Truthfully, I wasn't surprised that she never did. On the third day after the schoolwork was complete I asked her to come to her room. I then asked her to sit at her desk and open her Bible to 2 Corinthians 9 and begin reading. When she got to verse 7 and read that God loves a cheerful giver I said, "STOP"! I asked her to read that line over and over again. I explained to her how much it meant to me for her to so willingly share her money with our family. I explained about my selfish childhood days with THE CAN and thanked her for teaching me a great lesson. I then asked her to hold out her hand as I started placing one dollar bills into her palm. I counted out THIRTEEN ones and then told her that when she is faithful with what God has given her, He will always bless her back with more than she started. I am thankful that God's Promises are true with finances and that since then she has seen many other examples of God's faithfulness with her money. I am just a Dad who is very thankful that THE CAN is a thing of the past in my house.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Hold on to the Basket
A few days ago my wife returned home to share her latest adventure at Kroger. As she began to tear up I was already preparing to go confront some rude checker or maybe put a GPS tracker on the person who had hurt her feelings. As I listened further I discovered that the tears were from watching an elderly mother push her basket out of the store while her grown "special needs" daughter clung to the cart. The mom looked tired not just from age, but probably also due to years of caregiving to her daughter. My wife wondered just how many times over the years that the daughter had heard her mom say,"Now hold on to the basket". It had obviously sunk in.
These kind of scenes always tug at our hearts because we have a "special needs" daughter who is only 9 years old. From time to time we allow ourselves to look into the future and imagine what our retirement years might be like when our Sweet Caroline is an adult. We know God will provide our needs in all situations, but some days the task seems large. As the Kroger story finished I was quickly taken back a few years to a trip to Sam's Club. I have always loved shopping at that massive warehouse. I get excited not only with the size of the store, but with the fact that I can purchase office supplies and milk in the same place followed by lunch at the deli. It was just Caroline and me on this trip. Caroline's delay in speech was very obvious at that time and she maybe had about 15 total words in her vocabulary. Caroline had been to Sam's numerous times and gotten a bit bolder in trying to wander away from the basket with each trip.
"Hold on to the basket Caroline", I would tell her repeatedly. I made it to the bakery section and she wanted to look at all of the birthday cakes on display. In the brief moments that I studied which loaf of bread would offer the most savings I turned to see that Caroline was out of view. I quickly scanned the bakery area and saw no sign of her. I noticed an entry to a restricted worker area, but nobody had seen a small child wandering around. I began to feel my heart race a little faster as I jogged from aisle to aisle and could not find my daughter. I worked my way from the back to the front and after 5 minutes of searching I ended up at the exit door and asked security if they had seen any small children pass by. They said nobody matching Caroline's description had been by. I asked them to check every kid that moved their direction to see if they could spot her. I don't panic easily but I had never lost a child for this length of time. I was already wondering how I would explain this to my wife. How could I have been so careless with our weakest and most vulnerable little one? God help me!!!!
As I ran back towards the refrigeration section on this 10 minute search I finally spotted a nice lady just standing in place holding Caroline's hand. Her face said she recognized that she had a lost child and was determining her next course of action. Caroline looked quite confused as to why her dad would have disappeared from her for so long. As I drew closer Caroline used one of her few words and exclaimed, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddd"!!!! A baseball sized lump grew in my throat. I was unable to even thank the "angel" lady who took the time to stand there with my girl until her Dad showed up. I swept Caroline up in my arms and went to a private corner of the store and began to sob as I kissed those sweet cheeks a million times. One passerby asked if everything was OK and I said, "They are now"! Caroline seemed puzzled by my tears as she stroked my hair and asked, "OK, OK"? I have never forgotten that experience and can't begin to count how many times I have told Caroline to hold on to the basket every time we make a trip to a store.
As I continue to grow daily in my walk with Jesus I realize more and more of just how many times I tend to wander off from His Guidance because I see something flashy that catches my eye. I don't intend to wander away, but there are just so many things pulling me from where my focus should be. Before I know it I am several aisles away in a large warehouse type world wondering where my Dad is. I am so thankful that Jesus continues to pursue all of us the way I chased down Caroline in that store. Jesus willingly leaves the 99 to go out in search for the ONE!! Those reunions are just as wonderful as when I held Caroline in the corner. The sign of maturity in our spiritual walk is when we finally learn to "hold on to the basket" because if we do , Jesus will always lead us HOME. That's exactly where I want to be!!
These kind of scenes always tug at our hearts because we have a "special needs" daughter who is only 9 years old. From time to time we allow ourselves to look into the future and imagine what our retirement years might be like when our Sweet Caroline is an adult. We know God will provide our needs in all situations, but some days the task seems large. As the Kroger story finished I was quickly taken back a few years to a trip to Sam's Club. I have always loved shopping at that massive warehouse. I get excited not only with the size of the store, but with the fact that I can purchase office supplies and milk in the same place followed by lunch at the deli. It was just Caroline and me on this trip. Caroline's delay in speech was very obvious at that time and she maybe had about 15 total words in her vocabulary. Caroline had been to Sam's numerous times and gotten a bit bolder in trying to wander away from the basket with each trip.
"Hold on to the basket Caroline", I would tell her repeatedly. I made it to the bakery section and she wanted to look at all of the birthday cakes on display. In the brief moments that I studied which loaf of bread would offer the most savings I turned to see that Caroline was out of view. I quickly scanned the bakery area and saw no sign of her. I noticed an entry to a restricted worker area, but nobody had seen a small child wandering around. I began to feel my heart race a little faster as I jogged from aisle to aisle and could not find my daughter. I worked my way from the back to the front and after 5 minutes of searching I ended up at the exit door and asked security if they had seen any small children pass by. They said nobody matching Caroline's description had been by. I asked them to check every kid that moved their direction to see if they could spot her. I don't panic easily but I had never lost a child for this length of time. I was already wondering how I would explain this to my wife. How could I have been so careless with our weakest and most vulnerable little one? God help me!!!!
As I ran back towards the refrigeration section on this 10 minute search I finally spotted a nice lady just standing in place holding Caroline's hand. Her face said she recognized that she had a lost child and was determining her next course of action. Caroline looked quite confused as to why her dad would have disappeared from her for so long. As I drew closer Caroline used one of her few words and exclaimed, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddd"!!!! A baseball sized lump grew in my throat. I was unable to even thank the "angel" lady who took the time to stand there with my girl until her Dad showed up. I swept Caroline up in my arms and went to a private corner of the store and began to sob as I kissed those sweet cheeks a million times. One passerby asked if everything was OK and I said, "They are now"! Caroline seemed puzzled by my tears as she stroked my hair and asked, "OK, OK"? I have never forgotten that experience and can't begin to count how many times I have told Caroline to hold on to the basket every time we make a trip to a store.
As I continue to grow daily in my walk with Jesus I realize more and more of just how many times I tend to wander off from His Guidance because I see something flashy that catches my eye. I don't intend to wander away, but there are just so many things pulling me from where my focus should be. Before I know it I am several aisles away in a large warehouse type world wondering where my Dad is. I am so thankful that Jesus continues to pursue all of us the way I chased down Caroline in that store. Jesus willingly leaves the 99 to go out in search for the ONE!! Those reunions are just as wonderful as when I held Caroline in the corner. The sign of maturity in our spiritual walk is when we finally learn to "hold on to the basket" because if we do , Jesus will always lead us HOME. That's exactly where I want to be!!
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